Growing up, I was always interested in church and I believe that God began drawing me towards Himself when I was only a child. In those days, I attended a United Pentecostal church with my father. The church we attended believed that speaking in tongues was the sign of someone being a Christian. Their main course of thought came from Acts 2:38. As a result, I can remember fervently praying as a child for the gift of speaking in tongues. The church would continue to spur me on as I knelt at the altar practically every week, lingering in tears for a long time.

I never received the special gift of tongues.

Later, I started attending a Pentecostal church associated with the Church of God organization from Cleveland, Tennessee. This church still believed and practiced the charismatic gifts of the Holy Spirit, but they had a slight difference in their doctrine: the baptism of the Holy Spirit (the second "grace") was evident upon speaking in tongues, but the indwelling of the Holy Spirit was given upon salvation. This organization separated the conversion experience with the extra-special anointing of being empowered with the Holy Spirit. For a while, I began searching for the truth of whether I needed to speak in tongues or not, and after looking into some of the Scriptures, I came to believe in what the Church of God taught regarding this phenomenon.

But there was a problem: the doctrine of "heart purity" or "baptism of the Holy Spirit" gave allowance for a deeper experience with God that placed the "baptized believer" above the "converted believer". As a result, people would come to the altar almost every Sunday morning seeking to be filled with the charismatic gifts. I sought this diligently too. I read books, studied the Scriptures, and sought for this extra-close relationship with God. Going to the alter, "anointed" believers would come and pray that I might receive the gift of the Holy Spirit. Some people would shake me, and at times I thought they might even push me over. I never let them though, because then everyone would think I was "laying in the Spirit". One time, I was even told that all I needed to do was speak gibberish and "believe" that the nonsense coming forth was speaking in tongues. For a variety of reasons, I could not allow myself to believe that the Apostles on the Day of Pentecost taught such nonsense.

In the long run, I never received the baptism with speaking in tongues.

Do you ever get that feeling in your heart where you just do not feel the fullness of God in your life? You know, that small "missing ingredient" in your relationship with God? People in the church and writings by Pentecostal theologians began telling me that I just needed to keep seeking the "baptism of the Holy Spirit" because God wanted me to have the gift of speaking in tongues. There were even times when people prophesied these things to me. They told me that the small aching feeling in my heart where I felt like something was missing was the absence of the extra-filling of the Holy Spirit working miracles in my life.

They were wrong.

About six months ago, God showed me that the missing ingredient was not the baptism of the Holy Spirit with the sign of any charismatic gift at all. No. The missing ingredient was having God Himself in my heart.

I was missing God.

About ten months ago, I met a guy named Scott Emery who was preaching on the campus at Calvin College. Being filled with all forms of pride and boastfulness in my knowledge of theology, I was interested in what he had to say and so I sat next to a tree to listen to his preaching. Not long after, he stopped and came over to me. Within the next five minutes, I found myself on my knees in the center of the college campus asking God for forgiveness of my sins. Scott had asked me whether I was still in my sins and whether I still needed to repent. He told me that real Christians will not continue to sin any longer (1John 3:6). At first, I started to somewhat agree with him because I had come from a Wesleyan background myself. But I knew that what he was saying was radically different than what I was living.

For the next three months, I began diligently seeking the Truth within the Bible. I was trying to find all the Scriptures I possibly could to refute what Scott was telling me. In the process, I began talking to Scott much more to find out why he believes what he was telling me. As a result, I began to see how other professing "Christians" were responding to Scott when he preached and handed out tracts. Many of them were hostile, angry, and outright opposed to the Scriptures that Scott would share with them. Upon seeing the hostility towards the Truth that was being preached, I began to be attracted to the gospel instead of opposed to it. I began asking professing Christians what they thought about ceasing from sin and they would get hostile. My eyes were also being opened up more and more to the overflow of hypocrisy that was happening all around me by professing "Christians".

Now, I was still in my sins at this time, but I was not a hypocrite outwardly as much as I was inwardly. In my junior and senior year at High School I was the High School Bible Study leader. At the Pentecostal Church I attended, I was a Sunday school teacher. I even took part in leading the worship services at another church. I looked really good on the outside to most people. I obeyed my parents more often than not and I took over a semesters worth of Bible credits before I even started college. Basically, I had a form of godliness, but my heart was full of all wickedness and deceit.

I was filled with false hopes of my salvation because of the form of godliness I had. I was a whitewashed tomb. My heart was full of lust, adultery, murder, and self-seeking. I took part in an adulterous relationship with a girl. I say "adulterous" because we had a very sensual relationship. My heart was filled with murder because I did hateful things to those around me. Since love is patient, kind, longsuffering, not self-seeking, not envious, not boastful, etc., and I was impatient with others, at times unkind, quite self-seeking, and so forth, it was evident that my life was not filled with God’s perfect love at all. So in being hateful, I was committing murder within my heart. In being self-seeking, I was really in for God’s wrath. I sought to do things FOR fun and pleasure rather than FOR God. So I watched various movies, played video-games, and watched TV shows that had nothing to do with glorifying God, but rather had everything to do with pleasing myself. It was quite obvious that although my life looked great on the outside, my heart was full of all kinds of evils. What Jesus said to the Pharisees really applied to me: "O generation of vipers, how can ye, being evil, speak good things? for out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaketh" (Matthew 12:34).

Within the next three months, I found that I could not use Scripture to nullify what God was revealing to me as Truth. I found that a sinful life was incompatible with being "saved." I could not understand how someone could walk in salvation (salvation being from sin: Matthew 1:21) and yet keep on sinning. The month of January had just begun at this point, and it would take the next six months of struggling with sin for me to finally accept God’s unmerited favor that brings salvation.

During this time, I broke up with my girlfriend because God really showed me that a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship was incompatible with abiding in Christ. These relationships always led me to sensual indulgence, even if it was on what the world would consider the slightest scale: holding hands and kissing. God really showed me in Scripture that it is good for a man not to touch a woman. Any form of sensuality or emotional indulgence with the opposite sex allows sin to enter into one’s heart. This is because dependency on God, living for God, and seeking God’s will all end up going down the drain.

This relationship was incompatible with diligently seeking God’s ways.

I also began leaving all those things in my life that consisted of self-seeking: like watching movies and playing video games. These things and many others are often spurred on by selfishness, and do nothing to build one up with godly edification. If I expected to live a holy life, I needed to really get rid of the things around me that constantly taunted me with all kinds of useless garbage. I knew that I needed to meditate on what is pure, noble, upright, and good (Philippians 4:8). Coming to realize this, I decided to throw out all of my music CDs, even the Christian ones. I came to realize that most of my music like Rock and Alternative, although "Christian", really promoted a spirit that had nothing to do with glorifying God; rather, the style of music brought on feelings of depression, sensuality, and self-indulgence. I also knew that some of the lyrics within the songs reflected false teachings that opposed the true deliverance that Christ gives. On top of all this, I could not get over the fact that most of the singers were probably still living in sin. Knowing that the sacrifices of the wicked are an abomination to the Lord (Proverbs 15:8), I stopped listening to these supposedly "Christian" songs. Now, I’m definitely not making any laws against music, however. Don’t get me wrong. I just really believe that everyone needs to consider EVERYTHING that they take part in and put it under the light of God’s word. For me, I could no longer listen to those styles of music in faith. And we know that whatever a person cannot do in faith, is sin (Romans 14:23).

So now I had all these marvelous realizations and revelations, but still I was lacking: I had lust in my heart. I struggled and battled to overcome lust. However, I could not stop. I would have victory for a couple weeks and then fail. Why was this happening?

Faith is the victory.

I had begun depending on myself to overcome sin and pride began to grow within my heart. Jesus made it so simple in telling me EVERYTHING that I have to do to be saved: "This is the work of God, that you believe in Him whom He sent" (John 6:29). I had a hard time believing that all I needed to do was believe in Jesus and His teachings and I would receive His marvelous salvation from sin. Oh, and it was soooo glorious when it came!

Because of God’s mercy in bringing me to repentance, God opened the eyes of my heart to see that faith is the victory that overcomes the world! Through faith, I was able to obey God and have it (faith) be accounted to me as righteousness. This was almost too hard to believe. I mean, I did not have to do anything at all except believe in Jesus and stand on His promises!

"Wait a minute", you say. "How on earth then does someone stop sinning through faith?" Well through faith we believe in God and the work that He has done through Jesus Christ. If we believe that Jesus came into the world to save people from their sins (Matthew 1:21), and our faith does not waver, God will come into our life and give us His Holy Spirit. As a result, we will walk in the Spirit and will not fulfill the desires of sin (Galatians 5:16). It’s so simple. That is why salvation is by grace through faith (Ephesians 2:8) and it is a gift from God. 1 Thessalonians 5:23-24 writes, "Now may the God of peace Himself sanctify you completely; and may your whole spirit, soul, and body be preserved blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. HE WHO CALLS YOU IS FAITHFUL, WHO ALSO WILL DO IT." Do we really believe that God will do this? If we do, we can overcome all sin!

Check this out!

We read in the Bible that God does not allow us to be tempted beyond what we can bear (1 Corinthians 10:13). Do you really believe this?

We read in the Bible that Jesus is able to save to the uttermost (Hebrews 7:25). Do you really believe this?

We read that if we walk in the Spirit, we will not fulfill the lusts of sin (Galatians 5:16). Do you really believe this?

We read that God gives us ALL things for life and godliness (2 Peter 1:3). Do you really believe this?

We read that everyone who has the hope of salvation purifies himself just as Jesus is pure (1 John 3:3). Do you really believe this?

We read that anyone who loves the world hates God (1 John 2:15). Do you really believe this?

We read that Jesus came to save us FROM sin (Matthew 1:21). Do you really believe this?

We read that the wrath of God comes upon the sons of disobedience (Ephesians. 5:6). Do you really believe this?

We read that Jesus sets us free from sin, so that we can be slaves of righteousness (Romans 6:18). Do you really believe this?

This is the point: If we really believe in Jesus, we will believe in the work of the cross and in all of Christ’s teachings. Read through the Gospels, you’d be amazed at some of the things Jesus taught. I know I was shocked! Read John chapters 8 and 14, Matthew chapters 7 and 23. Read Matthew 5:48 and 13:40-43! I know I could go on and on. Please, I beg you: Read and believe in what Jesus teaches! This is standing in faith, and this is overcoming sin.

Finally, let me ask you this: Do you really believe what Paul wrote when he said, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" (Philippians 4:13)??? I beg you, turn away from all sin in your life and believe in Jesus Christ, the One who came to "open the eyes that are blind, to free captives from prison, and to release from the dungeon those who sit in darkness" (Isaiah 42:7). This deliverance is real, and Christ will free you from ALL sin. Do you believe?

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