When I was about 8 or 9 years old, my mother started taking my siblings and I to church. We ended up at an Evangelical Presbyterian Church in the town we lived in. It was a pretty normal church by most American’s standards. My mom taught me to pray, do devotions, and other religious stuff. Around that same time, I went to a Vacation Bible School and "looked the teacher in the eyes" when she asked if anyone wanted to ask Jesus into their heart. That is when I thought I became a Christian. I did not truly repent, however, so I was still in my sins. We went to church every Sunday and I was always at youth group, but my life was not about Christ. I was selfish and proud. I had a terrible temper. I just had to get things my way or I was loud and rebellious. I threw things across the room if I lost a game and one time I even punched my sister in the back of the head as hard as I could. She was about 6 years old. Sometimes I just couldn’t’ control myself. I was a slave to sin.

 For the first two years of high school, I was concerned with being popular. I spent my efforts being good at sports and getting in with the "in" crowd. I was still going to church every Sunday and youth group. I never thought that I wasn’t truly a Christian. I didn’t know what it really meant to be saved or what the Bible said about what a Christian’s life is like. I strove for something meaningless and am thankful that I did not obtain what I was seeking.

 The summer after my 10^th grade year I decided that my life and my "youth group" friends were pretty boring. Even though I was involved with "Christian" activities and things, I didn’t really have a great desire for them. Without a true relationship with Christ, there was no depth to any of that stuff. It was all for show and because that is what I was "supposed to do". I had a friend who had recently started getting into some "bad" things, hanging out with kids who smoked and stuff like that. I was kind of intrigued by all of that stuff. It seemed cool to me. So I pretty much ditched all my church friends and started changing my life. I started smoking cigarettes, marijuana, and drinking occasionally. I dressed differently and listened to different music. I was seeking pleasure 100%. At this point in my life, I had no desire whatsoever of pleasing God. I stopped praying, reading my bible, even calling myself a Christian.

 The marijuana puffed me up. I was more proud than ever before. I would smoke and think about things. About how I had everything figured out, about how I was smarter than everyone, how fake everyone else was except me. I thought I was so unique and intelligent about life. I worshiped the "individual". I used to tell myself, "Your only cool if you think your cool". How deceptive it was. I grew to hate just about everyone in my heart. I saw almost everyone as a hypocrite except myself, especially groups who seemed to be people-pleasers. This included the "popular" kids at school, especially cheerleaders. I was mean to people and was just very very conceited. I always thought I knew better than anybody else, adults and kids alike. My pride came from my refusal to ever be a hypocrite about anything or a people pleaser.

 My senior year of high school, when the pride was full blown, I did want to please a person. She was a girl at my church, a really "good spiritual" type of girl. I just had a deep desire to have a relationship with her because we had grown in a friendship for two years. She was probably trying to "witness" to me and help me get out of drugs and things. One night she asked me if I would quit doing drugs for her. I realized that I would do anything to be her boyfriend. So I quit doing drugs. I didn’t change my look or lose any pride, however, I just stopped doing drugs. Well a couple of weeks later she told me that we should just stay friends. I was disappointed, but was proud that I had stopped doing drugs, so I continued to stay clean.

 Very shortly after that, the Lord’s faithfulness really came through, years before I would finally submit to him. How I wish I had listened to his humbling call. I was sitting in yearbook class, being proud and loud. I was loudly making fun of cheerleaders and how I refused to do a cheerleading page in the Sports section. Then all of the sudden out of nowhere, my teacher had enough. She said very boldly something like: "Joe, you think you are so cool and unique, but you are just a follower." I felt the knife stab into my heart. I had been so proud up to that point and no one had been able to humble me. But this did it. She was so right. For years I had convinced myself otherwise, but I could not do it this time. I was so low. I wrote a song that day that started with these lines: "Just a stupid hypocrite, that’s all I will ever be. Digging up a great big hole filled with negativity." The Lord humbled me, but I did not seek him. I was not done serving myself.

 I found myself a pretty girl and my selfish life of drugs transformed into a selfish life of lust and fornication.

 The next year I went to college to play baseball. Baseball had always been an idol in my life. I was a slave to doing well. If I didn’t I would rage on the field, throwing things, swearing, just outright stupid. It made me proud to play in college; I was the starting second baseman as a freshman. It seemed really cool until we lost practically every game. About 10 games into the season, I gave up on baseball. I didn’t quit just yet; I just stopped trying. I was a poor loser. College had more to offer: new friends, being away from parents, and parties. I started drinking again, smoking cigarettes and even smoking marijuana again. My social relationship with my girlfriend was over but we were still fornicating. My life was really messed up that year, and I had never felt so empty in my life. Everything I was living for was just falling apart.

 The summer after my freshman year of college, I realized that things were really messed up and that I better straighten up my life. I knew this involved God. So I changed some outward things. I stopped smoking and partying, I broke up with my girlfriend, I quit baseball, and I even quit the band I was in. I started playing guitar on campus for devotions and even became a "youth group" leader at my church. A year later I became "spiritual life representative" in my dorm. I gave devotionals and prayers for my dorm. I tried to come to God on my terms, not His terms. I changed what was comfortable to me, without humbling myself and repenting and asking for a new heart. Therefore, I was still in my sins. I was still a slave to sin. I was never forgiven nor was I redeemed from my sinful, proud ways. I had no power from God, and I still fell to my temptation. I refused to devote my life fully to God. My desire was not for God’s will. I still wanted to please myself. Outwardly I may have looked okay, but inwardly I was a horrible hypocrite. I was not pleasing to God.

 One day my junior year of college I looked in the mirror and God spoke to my heart. He told me that I had to have a reason for everything that I did, and that it couldn’t be myself. He was calling me out of my selfishness. This became the first time that I began to listen to his call on my life. Praise God for his patience. I took out all of my piercings and took off my wallet chain. I finally quit smoking for good. I started noticing all the selfishness around me and started to withdraw myself from the friends I had at school because of their gossip and wasting of time. I started to think about what God would want. This was good, but I still did not repent or ask for forgiveness from my sins. I guess I never thought I needed those things, because of that prayer that I prayed when I was little. I had false confidence in salvation. Now I know that at that point I was not saved from anything.

 God was faithful to continue to lead me to full surrender to him. I began to think about poor people and rich people. It just didn’t seem fair to me. I was praying one night and God told me that I should go to a soup kitchen if I wanted to know about homeless people. I didn’t know about any soup kitchen. I went to church that Sunday and this girl stands up at the end of service and says, "If anyone wants to go to the soup kitchen on Wednesday come talk to me"! God speaks so clearly to our hearts if we yield to him!

This experience led me to pursue a job in the inner city of Chicago. I was going to be an inner city missionary for 3 months. My goal was to go there and give my life fully to the Lord. I decided that I would finally have a complete faith in the Lord, that I would give him everything he asked. I got there and started reading my bible all the time. I came across verses that spoke of dying to self and dying to sin. I didn’t understand what this stuff meant. I wanted more than anything to have a deep deep relationship with God. One night I was praying to understand these things and the Lord led me into true repentance. He did not allow me to try and come to him on my own terms. He moved me to submit all my understanding to him and to admit and deny all my selfishness and pride. I cried out and admitted that I did not understand God or his will for my life. I told him that I wanted to die and live for him. God answered my prayers, and he gave me a heart that wanted to please him. He made good his promise in Ezekiel 36:24-27:" 'For I will take you out of the nations; I will gather you from all the countries and bring you back into your own land. I will sprinkle clean water on you, and you will be clean; I will cleanse you from all your impurities and from all your idols. I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. And I will put my Spirit in you and move you to follow my decrees and be careful to keep my laws." All I could think about was pleasing God. I was born again into a living hope. Cleansed from all sin and sold out completely to do God’s will, I had finally become a Christian, a true follower of Christ and a child of God.

Shortly after my repentance, I was reading Romans 12:1-2 about offering my body as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God. After reading this, I received the Holy Spirit in a powerful way. I was realizing the depths of the salvation that comes through true faith in Christ. I was seeing the world with God's eyes. I had the mind of Christ. I had guidance, self-control, peace, discernment, clear-mindedness, pure joy, pure love of God, and most importantly I had power and grace.

I was amazed at the power and grace of God in me to overcome the sinful desires that wage war against my soul (Ephesians 1:18-21 and Titus 2:11-12). I realized that I no longer had to give in to temptation. I had power in the name of Jesus to overcome all temptation and kick Satan out on every occasion. Then I realized what this meant. I no longer had to willfully disobey (sin) against God. I could stand on God's grace in every situation and do God's will with every choice. I knew the promises in the Word that we have everything we need for life and godliness and that our faith can overcome the world. What peace, what Joy to know that I can please God!!!

Now, I rejoice in Christ my savior. I am so humbled to have a testimony of God’s faithfulness to share with you. I see God working his great salvation in my life everyday, delivering me daily from the sinfulness around me. I know that he is able to keep me blameless until the day of Christ Jesus. He is faithful and he will do it.

As I testify to God’s salvation, there are so many who are lost and dying. Many of these have a false hope of salvation as they have not fully surrendered to God’s will for their lives. I humbly ask the Lord that he might use my efforts to bring lost souls to himself. I want more than anything for God to receive the glory in all things, and that more would be redeemed for the praise of His glory.

Why he chose me, I do not know. His mercy endures forever. I will proclaim his salvation to all who will hear!

We encourage questions or comments. Please e-mail us at WebServant@ObeyGod.com.

Return to Testimonies of Deliverance.

Return to Obey God home page.